Tonight, I've had an overwhelming sense of loneliness. I don't do well on my days off. I tend to be very depressed and waste a lot of time just sitting.... mindlessly scrolling through Facebook, or YouTube videos, or jumping off and on Paltalk with no real focus.... and certainly not being productive. Tonight I was lonely to the point of tears. It's strange for me to feel this way... as I rarely do... but tonight was HARD. Literally painful actually. I was tempted to just go to bed and curl up and cry in there... in the dark. Instead, I remembered the promise I made to myself that I would do SOMETHING/ANYTHING every day to improve my home environment. So, I got up and washed a few more dishes (I still have a stack of them piled on the stove) and I washed my coffee pot and heated up water and made myself a beautiful cup of tea with honey and vanilla. And tomorrow morning, I'll have a beautiful cup of coffee (which I've not allowed myself the luxury of in probably 2 months because my coffee pot was dirty). That's all I did today. But I'm proud of myself for doing it even as the tears puddled in my eye sockets. For tonight, it is good enough.
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